Archive for grief

Lost in Translation…

Posted in Jencerpts.. with tags , , , , , , , on October 5, 2018 by JenJuice

When he passed…I succumb to the bar scene….I didn’t even know where I was or where I was going…I just knew the only darkness I knew was where I went.Lost-In-Translation

Surrender to flow…

Posted in Jencerpts.. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2018 by JenJuice

It’s OK to not have the words to say, it’s OK to not understand fully of what one is going through especially with grief as grief is a profound experience. Yet, the power of communication gives us insight into what others are experiencing. I find the more I stick with love when addressing people that are mourning is the best sentiment I can give. Love has one meaning and in that meaning, there is space for us to be where we are. And, simply, it’s what we need to hear. Especially when losing someone you love in the physical realm. Where does that love go? Has it disappeared? Or is it a feeling and now what to do with the love on a physical level?

Love is an energy – the purest and truest energy and that does not die. That does not disappear. Energy transforms forms – it never dies.

Grief is simply an attachment to a memory. Simply…

The relative space of love is a good place to begin letting go and going with the flow. Non-resistance is where it’s at. It’s where we find freedom. 

Pain is pain.

Emotions often arrive in the form of physical pain in the body. It’s kind of the shit no one really tells us – how painful grief is. I now am on a solid diet of pole dancing, yoga, aloe, and meditation to keep my physical pain settled and flowing. I found while I’m hurting emotionally that the thickness of the grief is like mud sifting through my veins. And, it hurt.

Here is the thing… we can actually rise through and out of that pain. The pain in your body is just an elevated wake-up to your being to listen to the emotional pain that needs to be addressed.

We tend to act faster when we are in physical pain, not so much to emotional pangs. But, you can’t have one without the other. Pain is pain any way you look at it. Listen gently to these identifiers when they knock, when they whisper, when they call, when they scream, listen to what they have to say. Time and time again it’s the roundabout bottom line – to listen….non-resistance is key.

It’s as if we are the moon – we are the sea of fish…..We are the ocean.

I found the meaning of flow the day I scuba-dove in Thailand.

While underwater and just flowing…going with the current. If I held my breath, my body would retract. If I moved out of the flow, the school of fish eradication would occur. If I swam against the current I would not have the strength to go very far. So, I found..the meaning of surrender….in flow. It was that simple when I stopped fighting.14590123_10208338673159334_5698636977334885447_o

When She Speaks… Listen.

Posted in Jencerpts.. with tags , , , , , , on July 10, 2018 by JenJuice

Some days I’m so paralyzed in grief. The heavy fucking-hearted energy. Can’t breathe. My heart has a pain so profound I can’t even reach. Can barely move. Crying hysterically laughing and sobbing simultaneously. Write, I hear. Dance, I hear. So, I do.

Then I hear a Youtube commercial…”What you hongry fo….?”

My Universal voice is a black grandma, just like me.

The forgetful….nature.

Posted in Jencerpts.. with tags , , , , , , on April 4, 2016 by JenJuice

When you don’t know which way to turn
Your grief isn’t shared, isn’t separate, isn’t one,
Isn’t the other
Which one….am I hurting for?

And what’s this..the energy
Of (trust) – the most dead,
Yet, most alive
I’ve ever felt.

The bottom drops
Like the dash on my headboard
Of time…
Synchronicity reminds me…
It ain’t nothing, but the life
I chose….

anxiety

Death is a lesson we can’t deny.

Posted in Jencerpts.. with tags , , , , , on March 2, 2016 by JenJuice

Today, today I couldn’t reach the out of myself.
Crashed through the bed I found myself dead in.
Fiending the crave of drive.
What else is there?
This isn’t enough for me…I need more
I can’t make believe
That I pull my life out of my sickening fool.

Today, today I didn’t breathe through my darkness
But, the fight won’t go away
Not that far from me

Believe in the realm we can’t find and the sole survivor
Bleeding to death
Falling the passion of this heart
And not controlling any of it.
Just keep on swimming, I see.
I don’t know if the drowning will elude my smile
Grief has become a part of the life that is the lesson
We can’t run from.