I think about Dad and how I got martyrdom in the DNA
My Mon… a sociopath.
My Dad.. a martyr.
But don’t they feed each other?
I guess without feeding it …it starves to death and we define..
Our new way…in lieu of flowers,
Kindly fuck off I say…(to the programming of centuries).
To be the rock/evolvement of the lineages is the highest form of love. ️
Trust that.
I say.
When he passed…I succumb to the bar scene….I didn’t even know where I was or where I was going…I just knew the only darkness I knew was where I went.
The quantitative algorithms flicker in the background–
Like honking geese vibrating through a ripple of broken tendencies.
I find myself still…wanting to run….her, the lonely traveler – her soft and rigid embrace.
Ever wonder what it would be like to go to the furthest side of the earth to remove…
All you have ever known? Well, yeah, me too….
Funny, thing is you really never forget, and running really never gets you anywhere, but–
Further from yourself than you were. And, further than you want to BE.
So, where is that you (I) want to be? In my own skin…where do I begin? With me.
The lonely sin. I don’t believe in.
My love gone and buried. Or, is that just fear locked away in my head?
The parallels…the bottomless questions of not wanting to sit still.
Terrified of the vulnerability, yet laying leg-splayed opening up to
Every inch of myself…and, her fingertips tip-toeing through my naked skinned being….
Her mind – the bold and so profound liquid movements. I crawl. I come – hither. She whispers.
Come home…
It’s the beginning of the end…
The war path is severe with heavy
No one is getting out of this one….
It’s going to take the some strength
Some perseverance
Some holy energy
Some finding the hijackers of the mind
And killing them. After having a cup of tea.
Be aware of the daunting lines in between the space
You find
Awareness and the place
So eerie you don’t want to see (or feel)
Trembling the inherent negotiation whispering the few
Words that center your silhouette
Crumbling from a dial tone that no longer exist
To define the equanimity of the balance.
Which is to what is.
If I come here..will you find the way?
It’s as if you are just the perception of
My mind’s eye
…but then again, I woke up.
Giving birth to death
One felony at a time.
Breeching the dotted line
I thought I had to walk along
Like the movie I told myself
When you knew me….
Clenching to each note she whispers
To the birth of song in movement.
I find an ounce of reason to keep
Moving…through this life….
The long and daunting road.
I shallow backwards to see
Even the darker side
Of me….and how
This time is awkwardly the light.
The days…I found you.
I found me.
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Jen Juice 