Throbbing of the hotel room next to me seeping through the walls – her moans increasing like the sounds of a thousand deaths and rebirths….sliding down the foundation. Powerless of her screams…and, surrendering to his needs….
Just a whisper away – and I feel a bit intrusive, though, I’m listening….infringed with the thickness of her orgasmic purrs and my visuals…I’ve pulsated my own thoughts and my own story…..
Thus, the dream versus the reality…we all are dreaming beings…after all.
The quantitative algorithms flicker in the background–
Like honking geese vibrating through a ripple of broken tendencies.
I find myself still…wanting to run….her, the lonely traveler – her soft and rigid embrace.
Ever wonder what it would be like to go to the furthest side of the earth to remove…
All you have ever known? Well, yeah, me too….
Funny, thing is you really never forget, and running really never gets you anywhere, but–
Further from yourself than you were. And, further than you want to BE.
So, where is that you (I) want to be? In my own skin…where do I begin? With me.
The lonely sin. I don’t believe in.
My love gone and buried. Or, is that just fear locked away in my head?
The parallels…the bottomless questions of not wanting to sit still.
Terrified of the vulnerability, yet laying leg-splayed opening up to
Every inch of myself…and, her fingertips tip-toeing through my naked skinned being….
Her mind – the bold and so profound liquid movements. I crawl. I come – hither. She whispers.
Come home…
When you don’t know which way to turn
Your grief isn’t shared, isn’t separate, isn’t one,
Isn’t the other
Which one….am I hurting for?
And what’s this..the energy
Of (trust) – the most dead,
Yet, most alive
I’ve ever felt.
The bottom drops
Like the dash on my headboard
Of time…
Synchronicity reminds me…
It ain’t nothing, but the life
I chose….
Today, today I couldn’t reach the out of myself.
Crashed through the bed I found myself dead in.
Fiending the crave of drive.
What else is there?
This isn’t enough for me…I need more
I can’t make believe
That I pull my life out of my sickening fool.
Today, today I didn’t breathe through my darkness
But, the fight won’t go away
Not that far from me
Believe in the realm we can’t find and the sole survivor
Bleeding to death
Falling the passion of this heart
And not controlling any of it.
Just keep on swimming, I see.
I don’t know if the drowning will elude my smile
Grief has become a part of the life that is the lesson
We can’t run from.
It’s the beginning of the end…
The war path is severe with heavy
No one is getting out of this one….
It’s going to take the some strength
Some perseverance
Some holy energy
Some finding the hijackers of the mind
And killing them. After having a cup of tea.
Be aware of the daunting lines in between the space
You find
Awareness and the place
So eerie you don’t want to see (or feel)
Nothing worse than falling for the same smoke and mirrors that continuously inhabit your space….the endurance of the worst beckons my calling.
What to have and what not to hold. I find it a daunting rhetoric of solution.
Fucking want to murder my emotions with a jackknife and feed
It to the spirits that gag me with them.
Like honey slipping down your throat
Shedding the mind matter of you cutting
Through my core….
So, what is grief like? What is that profound state of not understanding..
What’s it like to be fully aware and fully present in love with the one soulmate that
Took my breath and breathed it back into me…
And what is it like when he walks in front of a car that hits and murders him
And leaves him solemnly alone on the side of the road to die….what’s it like
You ask.
What’s it like to find life again after finding the truest form of love….die.
What’s it like to watch all your other friends and life move on…they go on having babies, getting married, being happy and having the run of the mill..this is what it’s supposed to be like life.
What’s it like to be not in this much profound pain.
What’s it like to feel again?
What’s it like to love again?
What’s it like to love and die at the same time.
What’s that like. Tell me.
The mirror of a flail.
I feel my nipples ripple
Through my blouse
And wishing your hands
Were in place of the whistle
From the ceiling fan
Grazing the baby kisses on my
Neck…
The beauty next to nothing
An auto-biography under her
Ring…a
Something that
What the fuck does she do with this?
Stand still – be there when I look
At you…sweat
Suckle like a baby needing
A piece of the pie
Needles lost in a stack
And…I ain’t going back.
Trembling the inherent negotiation whispering the few
Words that center your silhouette
Crumbling from a dial tone that no longer exist
To define the equanimity of the balance.
Which is to what is.
If I come here..will you find the way?
It’s as if you are just the perception of
My mind’s eye
…but then again, I woke up.
 | Anonymous on Masochistic behavior(s). |
| Anonymous on Evolve or Die. |
| Anonymous on Dark Matter. |
 | JenJuice on Dear Brother….. |
 | Eric on Dear Brother….. |
Jen Juice 